by Datechguy | November 30th, 2012
Liberal improvements are in red italic
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof unless it in any way conflicts with Obamacare, the liberal agenda or the need for 30 something college students to get laid without personal expense ; or abridging the freedom of speech unless one is a conservative speaker on a college campus, unless said speech in any way conflicts with Union demands or said speech could in any way be considered an insult to the prophet of Islam (peace be upon him) , or of the press unless the person chooses an uncomfortable time to ask a question to the Obama administration; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble unless they support Israel on a college campus, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances with the understanding that said Government does not have to answer said grievances.
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. Unless said people are law abiding citizens who tend to vote republican or unless they reside in cities or states controlled by the Democrat party.
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law particularly if said quartering increases the chances of said member of the military voting.
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated unless the government really wants to , and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; said danger to be defined by the Obama Administration, nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation, or unless the administration wants to call in a drone strike.
In all criminal prosecutions, excepting in cases where the accused falls under the ‘crazy bastard’ standard, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed,’ which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.
In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law or unless such person is a ‘crazy bastard’ and/or such a trial could lead to political trouble for the Obama administration.
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. For the purpose of this amendment “cruel and unusual” shall be defined by the Obama administration or the mainstream media as needed.
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. Until or unless said rights are claimed by the Obama administration.
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people or to the Obama administration if they so claim. said powers.
Updated: Added: unless said speech in any way conflicts with Union demands to 1st Amendment per Michigan events