The Bill of Rights Obama/Liberal Style

by Datechguy | November 30th, 2012

Readability

The Bill of Rights Obama/Liberal Style

Lib­eral improve­ments are in red italic

Amend­ment I

Con­gress shall make no law respect­ing an estab­lish­ment of reli­gion, or pro­hibit­ing the free exer­cise thereof unless it in any way con­flicts with Oba­macare, the lib­eral agenda or the need for 30 some­thing col­lege stu­dents to get laid with­out per­sonal expense ; or abridg­ing the free­dom of speech unless one is a con­ser­v­a­tive speaker on a col­lege cam­pus, unless said speech in any way con­flicts with Union demands or said speech could in any way be con­sid­ered an insult to the prophet of Islam (peace be upon him) , or of the press unless the per­son chooses an uncom­fort­able time to ask a ques­tion to the Obama admin­is­tra­tion; or the right of the peo­ple peace­ably to assem­ble unless they sup­port Israel on a col­lege cam­pus, and to peti­tion the Gov­ern­ment for a redress of griev­ances with the under­stand­ing that said Gov­ern­ment does not have to answer said griev­ances.

Amend­ment II

A well reg­u­lated Mili­tia, being nec­es­sary to the secu­rity of a free State, the right of the peo­ple to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.  Unless said peo­ple are law abid­ing cit­i­zens who tend to vote repub­li­can or unless they reside in cities or states con­trolled by the Demo­c­rat party.

Amend­ment III

No Sol­dier shall, in time of peace be quar­tered in any house, with­out the con­sent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a man­ner to be pre­scribed by law par­tic­u­larly if said quar­ter­ing increases the chances of said mem­ber of the mil­i­tary voting.

Amend­ment IV

The right of the peo­ple to be secure in their per­sons, houses, papers, and effects, against unrea­son­able searches and seizures, shall not be vio­lated unless the gov­ern­ment really wants to , and no War­rants shall issue, but upon prob­a­ble cause, sup­ported by Oath or affir­ma­tion, and par­tic­u­larly describ­ing the place to be searched, and the per­sons or things to be seized.

Amend­ment V

No per­son shall be held to answer for a cap­i­tal, or oth­er­wise infa­mous crime, unless on a pre­sent­ment or indict­ment of a Grand Jury, except in cases aris­ing in the land or naval forces, or in the Mili­tia, when in actual ser­vice in time of War or pub­lic dan­ger; said dan­ger to be defined by the Obama Admin­is­tra­tion, nor shall any per­son be sub­ject for the same offence to be twice put in jeop­ardy of life or limb; nor shall be com­pelled in any crim­i­nal case to be a wit­ness against him­self, nor be deprived of life, lib­erty, or prop­erty, with­out due process of law; nor shall pri­vate prop­erty be taken for pub­lic use, with­out just com­pen­sa­tion, or unless the admin­is­tra­tion wants to call in a drone strike.

Amend­ment VI

In all crim­i­nal pros­e­cu­tions, except­ing in cases where the accused falls under the ‘crazy bas­tard’ stan­dard, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and pub­lic trial, by an impar­tial jury of the State and dis­trict wherein the crime shall have been com­mit­ted,’ which dis­trict shall have been pre­vi­ously ascer­tained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accu­sa­tion; to be con­fronted with the wit­nesses against him; to have com­pul­sory process for obtain­ing wit­nesses in his favor, and to have the Assis­tance of Coun­sel for his defense.

Amend­ment VII

In Suits at com­mon law, where the value in con­tro­versy shall exceed twenty dol­lars, the right of trial by jury shall be pre­served, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be oth­er­wise re-​examined in any Court of the United States, than accord­ing to the rules of the com­mon law or unless such per­son is a ‘crazy bas­tard’ and/​or such a trial could lead to polit­i­cal trou­ble for the Obama administration.

Amend­ment VIII

Exces­sive bail shall not be required, nor exces­sive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual pun­ish­ments inflicted. For the pur­pose of this amend­ment “cruel and unusual” shall be defined by the Obama admin­is­tra­tion or the main­stream media as needed.

Amend­ment IX

The enu­mer­a­tion in the Con­sti­tu­tion, of cer­tain rights, shall not be con­strued to deny or dis­par­age oth­ers retained by the peo­ple. Until or unless said rights are claimed by the Obama administration.

Amend­ment X

The pow­ers not del­e­gated to the United States by the Con­sti­tu­tion, nor pro­hib­ited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respec­tively, or to the peo­ple or to the Obama admin­is­tra­tion if they so claim. said powers.

Updated: Added: unless said speech in any way con­flicts with Union demands to 1st Amend­ment per Michi­gan events

Liberal improvements are in red italic

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof unless it in any way conflicts with Obamacare, the liberal agenda or the need for 30 something college students to get laid without personal expense ; or abridging the freedom of speech unless one is a conservative speaker on a college campus, unless said speech in any way conflicts with Union demands or said speech could in any way be considered an insult to the prophet of Islam (peace be upon him)  , or of the press unless the person chooses an uncomfortable time to ask a question to the Obama administration; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble unless they support Israel on a college campus, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances with the understanding that said Government does not have to answer said grievances.

Amendment II

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.  Unless said people are law abiding citizens who tend to vote republican or unless they reside in cities or states controlled by the Democrat party.

Amendment III

No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law particularly if said quartering increases the chances of said member of the military voting.

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated unless the government really wants to , and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Amendment V

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; said danger to be defined by the Obama Administration, nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation, or unless the administration wants to call in a drone strike.

Amendment VI

In all criminal prosecutions, excepting in cases where the accused falls under the ‘crazy bastard’ standard, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed,’ which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.

Amendment VII

In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law or unless such person is a ‘crazy bastard’ and/or such a trial could lead to political trouble for the Obama administration.

Amendment VIII

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.  For the purpose of this amendment “cruel and unusual” shall be defined by the Obama administration or the mainstream media as needed.

Amendment IX

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.  Until or unless said rights are claimed by the Obama administration.

Amendment X

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people or to the Obama administration if they so claim. said powers.

Updated: Added: unless said speech in any way conflicts with Union demands to 1st Amendment per Michigan events

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