The Bill of Rights Obama/Liberal Style

Lib­eral improve­ments are in red italic

Amend­ment I

Con­gress shall make no law respect­ing an estab­lish­ment of reli­gion, or pro­hibit­ing the free exer­cise thereof unless it in any way con­flicts with Oba­macare, the lib­eral agenda or the need for 30 some­thing col­lege stu­dents to get laid with­out per­sonal expense ; or abridg­ing the free­dom of speech unless one is a con­ser­v­a­tive speaker on a col­lege cam­pus, unless said speech in any way con­flicts with Union demands or said speech could in any way be con­sid­ered an insult to the prophet of Islam (peace be upon him) , or of the press unless the per­son chooses an uncom­fort­able time to ask a ques­tion to the Obama admin­is­tra­tion; or the right of the peo­ple peace­ably to assem­ble unless they sup­port Israel on a col­lege cam­pus, and to peti­tion the Gov­ern­ment for a redress of griev­ances with the under­stand­ing that said Gov­ern­ment does not have to answer said griev­ances.

Amend­ment II

A well reg­u­lated Mili­tia, being nec­es­sary to the secu­rity of a free State, the right of the peo­ple to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.  Unless said peo­ple are law abid­ing cit­i­zens who tend to vote repub­li­can or unless they reside in cities or states con­trolled by the Demo­c­rat party.

Amend­ment III

No Sol­dier shall, in time of peace be quar­tered in any house, with­out the con­sent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a man­ner to be pre­scribed by law par­tic­u­larly if said quar­ter­ing increases the chances of said mem­ber of the mil­i­tary voting.

Amend­ment IV

The right of the peo­ple to be secure in their per­sons, houses, papers, and effects, against unrea­son­able searches and seizures, shall not be vio­lated unless the gov­ern­ment really wants to , and no War­rants shall issue, but upon prob­a­ble cause, sup­ported by Oath or affir­ma­tion, and par­tic­u­larly describ­ing the place to be searched, and the per­sons or things to be seized.

Amend­ment V

No per­son shall be held to answer for a cap­i­tal, or oth­er­wise infa­mous crime, unless on a pre­sent­ment or indict­ment of a Grand Jury, except in cases aris­ing in the land or naval forces, or in the Mili­tia, when in actual ser­vice in time of War or pub­lic dan­ger; said dan­ger to be defined by the Obama Admin­is­tra­tion, nor shall any per­son be sub­ject for the same offence to be twice put in jeop­ardy of life or limb; nor shall be com­pelled in any crim­i­nal case to be a wit­ness against him­self, nor be deprived of life, lib­erty, or prop­erty, with­out due process of law; nor shall pri­vate prop­erty be taken for pub­lic use, with­out just com­pen­sa­tion, or unless the admin­is­tra­tion wants to call in a drone strike.

Amend­ment VI

In all crim­i­nal pros­e­cu­tions, except­ing in cases where the accused falls under the ‘crazy bas­tard’ stan­dard, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and pub­lic trial, by an impar­tial jury of the State and dis­trict wherein the crime shall have been com­mit­ted,’ which dis­trict shall have been pre­vi­ously ascer­tained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accu­sa­tion; to be con­fronted with the wit­nesses against him; to have com­pul­sory process for obtain­ing wit­nesses in his favor, and to have the Assis­tance of Coun­sel for his defense.

Amend­ment VII

In Suits at com­mon law, where the value in con­tro­versy shall exceed twenty dol­lars, the right of trial by jury shall be pre­served, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be oth­er­wise re-​examined in any Court of the United States, than accord­ing to the rules of the com­mon law or unless such per­son is a ‘crazy bas­tard’ and/​or such a trial could lead to polit­i­cal trou­ble for the Obama administration.

Amend­ment VIII

Exces­sive bail shall not be required, nor exces­sive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual pun­ish­ments inflicted. For the pur­pose of this amend­ment “cruel and unusual” shall be defined by the Obama admin­is­tra­tion or the main­stream media as needed.

Amend­ment IX

The enu­mer­a­tion in the Con­sti­tu­tion, of cer­tain rights, shall not be con­strued to deny or dis­par­age oth­ers retained by the peo­ple. Until or unless said rights are claimed by the Obama administration.

Amend­ment X

The pow­ers not del­e­gated to the United States by the Con­sti­tu­tion, nor pro­hib­ited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respec­tively, or to the peo­ple or to the Obama admin­is­tra­tion if they so claim. said powers.

Updated: Added: unless said speech in any way con­flicts with Union demands to 1^st Amend­ment per Michi­gan events