Q: How do you cover a distance that takes 1 hour and one minute in 45 minutes flat?
The Doctor Who 50th (or 8th) Anniversary special is under 5 days away and the math just doesn’t work.
Even if I shift my ads to the end of the show and it ends at 1:54 PM EST instead of about 1:58 PM a drive of one hour and one minute means I will not make it to the house in time to catch the start of the broadcast at 2:50 PM.
The obvious solution would be to use a canned show or a canned interview, after all will the listeners really know the difference if we aren’t live?
Yeah they know I’m a Doctor Who fan, Yeah it’s once every 50 years …
…but I make my living off of the listeners and the readers, every week I go to them asking them to kick in that $20 or mare to make sure that the mortgage and the pay for my Magnificent Seven. It’s not the same as if we didn’t have an engineer available or if there was a family emergency. What does that say about how much I value those people who support the show and me that I’m going to stiff them out of a live broadcast for (and I might be ejected from the ranks of Dr. Who fandom for saying this) a Television Show?
It’s just not honorable.
So that leaves the problem how do I cover a distance that requires one hour and one minute in 49 minutes flat.
Well there is one solution that is almost guaranteed to work:
Robert Stacy McCain.
I have been on the road with Stacy on a pair of occasions. We have covered distances long and short, I have seen him behind the wheel of a car and can say this categorically: The shortest distance between two points isn’t a straight line, it’s Stacy McCain behind a steering wheel.
The TARDIS might get you to your destination five minutes before you leave but put Robert Stacy McCain in the driver’s seat and you’ve got a pretty close 2nd.
So here’s the plan:
1. Get Stacy to DC in time for the Amtrak 3:55 AM on Friday Morning
2. Pick up him in Westwood MA at 11 AM
3. Drive him to the house to crash after lunch at the Nashoba Club Restaurant or maybe Mighty Subs.
4. Take him with me the next morning to the studio in Needham
5. Do the show
6. Get in the passenger seat and say a Rosary while he drives us home.
7. Sit back and relax with the family watching the Dr. Who 50th Anniversary special with time to spare.
Yeah the Round trip Train ticket cost about $250 and given the likely speeds we will reach with Stacy behind the wheel I probably should add a trip to church for confession and absolution as step 3a just in case but the plan WILL WORK!
Piece of cake.