Dateline:  Seattle Washington

The Green Bay Packers wasted no time after their overtime defeat by Seattle in firing conditioning coaches Hans and Franz after only a single season.

The Austrian Conditioning Team,  known for their occasionally abusive motivational speeches,  were brought in for their reputation but fell out of favor after injuries to Aaron Rogers which reduced his flexibility and ability to scramble.  Whispers within the organization that these injuries were was due to the esoteric training methods involving heavy armor, kayaks and blond women with excessively long locks.

Asked to comment on the quick front office decision in a season where the team made it to the NFC Championship game against the defending Superbowl Champions they referred to the Packers front office as “Losers” & “Girley men”.

They are not expected to be out of work long.  New Bills coach Rex Ryan looking to implement his famous “Ground and Pound” game is, according to sources, already in talks with their agent about the possibility of joining him in Buffalo to work on their offensive line in the off-season.

Asked about that possibility they said it’s too soon to commit to their first offer but stated unequivocally:  “If we go to Buffalo we will Pump them up!”


By John Ruberry

Last week the NCAA agreed to restore the 111 victories it forced the Penn State Nittany Lions football team to vacate as part of its penalty for covering up the child sex abuse crimes of the team’s longtime defensive coordinator, Jerry Sandusky. Once again Penn State’s College Hall of Fame coach, Joe Paterno, is the NCAA’s all-time winningest head coach at 409 wins.

Paterno, who died in 2012 two months after Penn State fired him, knew of two of Sandusky’s sexual assaults: a 1998 incident that led to Sandusky’s surprising (at the time) retirement the next year and Sandusky’s 2001 rape of a ten year-old boy in the showers of the football team. By then Sandusky, who received a cushy retirement package that included full access to the Nittany Lion athletic facilities, was also given emeritus status at the school.

I watched Paterno’s last victory–although no one knew that it would be so at the time–on television against Illinois, a dull and sloppy home game in the snow that Penn State won, or I should say, didn’t lose, 10-7. That 409th win was one of many landmark victories for Paterno–he passed Grambling’s Eddie Robinson to become the all-time Division 1 leader in wins. But JoePa coached his team from the press box, protected by glass from the unseasonable cold.

A similar glass wall of protection shields Paterno to this day. The public became aware of the Sandusky scandal a few days after win 409 and Paterno, along with the school president, was fired the following week. But JoePa couldn’t be fired in person, supporters had surrounded his home and Paterno got canned by way of a telephone call. Students rioted in response to JoePa’s dismissal. The next summer Penn State was hit by brutal NCAA sanctions, including a ban on bowl games for four years, drastic scholarship cuts, a $60 million fine, and the removal of those 111 wins. Those victories dated back to 1998, when Paterno became aware of a Sandusky sexual assault.

Paterno’s able successor, Bill O’Brien, left Penn State after two seasons working under those draconian sanctions. He had decried the pressure of the “Paterno people” at the college, that glass wall. O’Brien committed the sin of not being JoePa.

In 2013 some of the pulled scholarships were restored by the NCAA and last year the team’s bowl-ban was removed.

John "Lee" Ruberry
John “Lee” Ruberry

Perversely, the Penn State hockey team chose to celebrate, yes celebrate, the restoration of the Paterno wins by donning “409” stickers on their helmets for its game against Michigan State Friday night.

Paterno’s glass wall is getting stronger–and I believe there is something wrong with that. Penn State–you have a problem.

There is some good news. Penn State lost that hockey game.

John Ruberry regularly blogs at Marathon Pundit.

Full disclosure, I have only seen one of the movies nominated in any category for an Oscar this year (the Hobbit, the battle of five armies which is up an Oscar for sound editing) as for the rest, I do not plan to see any of the movies nominated for anything until they come to free cable & even then only a few of them (the Imitation game, Into the woods & maybe the Judge) have any interest to me.

Never the less the fuss that’s going on concerning the nominations for the Oscars has been incredibly amusing to me particularly this statement:

Responding for the first time to the firestorm of criticism over the lack of diversity in this year’s Oscar nominations, film academy president Cheryl Boone Isaacs says the all-white acting slate inspires her to accelerate the academy’s push to be more inclusive. She also hopes the film industry as a whole will continue to strive for greater diversity.

The first black president of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences spoke out Friday night in an exclusive interview with The Associated Press about the Oscar nominations and the widespread criticism that followed

I note that nowhere in the statement is there any reference to the quality of the performances or which of the current nominees didn’t not earn the nomination that they received but I digress.

Now the logical solution is to decree that at least one actor of “color” be nominated in every category, sort of what Nancy Pelosi did by creating an token leadership position rather than risking a backlash by removing demoting the junior member of leadership as normally done since said member was part of the congressional black caucus.

Of course would taint any such nominee as a “token” regardless on the quality of their work.

This entire fiasco is an existential crisis for the liberals in Hollywood but it’s even worse than they imagine, because they haven’t thought it out, it’s not just a question of locking out black actors & actresses.

Were there a sufficient number of openly gay actors nominated? Openly lesbian actress nominated? Transgendered men and or women and or others?

I’m shocked this question isn’t being asked. How can the liberals in Hollywood & the studios in Hollywood live with themselves knowing that there is not a single transgendered lesbian living in a polyamorous relationship nominated in any category?

So perhaps we need a separate category for every single group to make sure that all who claim victimhood has their nominee. Or perhaps we need some new categories, after all it’s not fair that ONLY one black or hispanic or transgender be nominated. Perhaps we need best performance by an actor of color, best supporting performance by a transgender, best direction by a lesbian biracial director in an animated short film critiqued by the heteronormative patriarchal society etc etc etc.

And it goes without saying of course that if you oppose such categories you must be defination be a racist sexiest bigot homophobe transphobe to the nth degree, or even something worse like a believing Catholic or a republican.

Yes these would all be separate categories but if the academy creates and recognizes them the Oscar they win would be of equal value and isn’t equality of result what diversity is really all about?


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