Amoris Laetitia as it actually is VI: Marriage, expectations and grievance

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Amoris Laetitia as it actually is VI: Marriage, expectations and grievance

The lat­est in our series on Amoris Laeti­tia as it is vs how it is spun:

The Pope talks about the fam­ily being a place where we are happy for each other

110. When a lov­ing per­son can do good for oth­ers, or sees that oth­ers are happy, they them­selves live hap­pily and in this way give glory to God, for “God loves a cheer­ful giver” (2 Cor 9:7). Our Lord espe­cially appre­ci­ates those who find joy in the hap­pi­ness of oth­ers. If we fail to learn how to rejoice in the well-​being of oth­ers, and focus pri­mar­ily on our own needs, we con­demn our­selves to a joy­less exis­tence, for, as Jesus said, “it is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). The fam­ily must always be a place where, when some­thing good hap­pens to one of its mem­bers, they know that oth­ers will be there to cel­e­brate it with them.

Seek­ing other’s hap­pi­ness is the oppo­site of the griev­ance society..

And in the very next para­graph the griev­ance soci­ety is addressed

112. First, Paul says that love “bears all things” (panta stégei). This is about more than sim­ply putting up with evil; it has to do with the use of the tongue. The verb can mean “hold­ing one’s peace” about what may be wrong with another per­son. It implies lim­it­ing judg­ment, check­ing the impulse to issue a firm and ruth­less con­dem­na­tion: “Judge not and you will not be judged” (Lk 6:37). Although it runs con­trary to the way we nor­mally use our tongues, God’s word tells us: “Do not speak evil against one another, broth­ers and sis­ters” (Jas 4:11). Being will­ing to speak ill of another per­son is a way of assert­ing our­selves, vent­ing resent­ment and envy with­out con­cern for the harm we may do. We often for­get that slan­der can be quite sin­ful; it is a grave offense against God when it seri­ously harms another person’s good name and causes dam­age that is hard to repair. Hence God’s word forth­rightly states that the tongue “is a world of iniq­uity” that “stains the whole body” (Jas 3:6); it is a “rest­less evil, full of deadly poi­son” (3:8). Whereas the tongue can be used to “curse those who are made in the like­ness of God” (3:9), love cher­ishes the good name of oth­ers, even one’s ene­mies. In seek­ing to uphold God’s law we must never for­get this spe­cific require­ment of love.

One could argue that this para­graph is a direct assault on the entire rai­son d’être of the left.

And the next para­graph again flies in the face of the cur­rent cul­tural wis­dom on marriage.

113. Mar­ried cou­ples joined by love speak well of each other; they try to show their spouse’s good side, not their weak­ness and faults. In any event, they keep silent rather than speak ill of them. This is not merely a way of act­ing in front of oth­ers; it springs from an inte­rior atti­tude. Far from ingen­u­ously claim­ing not to see the prob­lems and weak­nesses of oth­ers, it sees those weak­nesses and faults in a wider con­text. It rec­og­nizes that these fail­ings are a part of a big­ger pic­ture. We have to real­ize that all of us are a com­plex mix­ture of light and shad­ows. The other per­son is much more than the sum of the lit­tle things that annoy me. Love does not have to be per­fect for us to value it. The other per­son loves me as best they can, with all their lim­its, but the fact that love is imper­fect does not mean that it is untrue or unreal. It is real, albeit lim­ited and earthly. If I expect too much, the other per­son will let me know, for he or she can nei­ther play God nor serve all my needs. Love coex­ists with imper­fec­tion. It “bears all things” and can hold its peace before the lim­i­ta­tions of the loved one.

The most effec­tive weapon the cul­tural left has played in their war on mar­riage has been the unre­al­is­tic expec­ta­tions game.

And part of that expec­ta­tions game is discouragement

116. Panta elpízei. Love does not despair of the future. Fol­low­ing upon what has just been said, this phrase speaks of the hope of one who knows that oth­ers can change, mature and radi­ate unex­pected beauty and untold poten­tial. This does not mean that every­thing will change in this life. It does involve real­iz­ing that, though things may not always turn out as we wish, God may well make crooked lines straight and draw some good from the evil we endure in this world.

As CS Lewis pointed out in screw­tape the trick of the enemy is to make you panic over a bunch of dif­fer­ent futures that can’t all hap­pen. That’s another tool in the war on mar­riage they has been par­tic­u­larly effec­tive and or the press to acknowl­edge these real­i­ties would undo decades of hard fight­ing in that war.

The latest in our series on Amoris Laetitia as it is vs how it is spun:

 

The Pope talks about the family being a place where we are happy for each other

110. When a loving person can do good for others, or sees that others are happy, they themselves live happily and in this way give glory to God, for “God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Cor 9:7). Our Lord especially appreciates those who find joy in the happiness of others. If we fail to learn how to rejoice in the well-being of others, and focus primarily on our own needs, we condemn ourselves to a joyless existence, for, as Jesus said, “it is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35).  The family must always be a place where, when something good happens to one of its members, they know that others will be there to celebrate it with them.

Seeking other’s happiness is the opposite of the grievance society..

And in the very next paragraph the grievance society is addressed

112. First, Paul says that love “bears all things” (panta stégei). This is about more than simply putting up with evil; it has to do with the use of the tongue. The verb can mean “holding one’s peace” about what may be wrong with another person.  It implies limiting judgment, checking the impulse to issue a firm and ruthless condemnation:  “Judge not and you will not be judged” (Lk 6:37).  Although it runs contrary to the way we normally use our tongues, God’s word tells us: “Do not speak evil against one another, brothers and sisters” (Jas 4:11). Being willing to speak ill of another person is a way of asserting ourselves, venting resentment and envy without concern for the harm we may do. We often forget that slander can be quite sinful; it is a grave offense against God when it seriously harms another person’s good name and causes damage that is hard to repair. Hence God’s word forthrightly states that the tongue “is a world of iniquity” that “stains the whole body” (Jas 3:6); it is a “restless evil, full of deadly poison” (3:8). Whereas the tongue can be used to “curse those who are made in the likeness of God” (3:9), love cherishes the good name of others, even one’s enemies. In seeking to uphold God’s law we must never forget this specific requirement of love.

One could argue that this paragraph is a direct assault on the entire raison d’être of the left.

 

And the next paragraph again flies in the face of the current cultural wisdom on marriage.

113. Married couples joined by love speak well of each other; they try to show their spouse’s good side, not their weakness and faults. In any event, they keep silent rather than speak ill of them. This is not merely a way of acting in front of others; it springs from an interior attitude.  Far from ingenuously claiming not to see the problems and weaknesses of others, it sees those weaknesses and faults in a wider context.  It recognizes that these failings are a part of a bigger picture. We have to realize that all of us are a complex mixture of light and shadows. The other person is much more than the sum of the little things that annoy me. Love does not have to be perfect for us to value it. The other person loves me as best they can, with all their limits, but the fact that love is imperfect does not mean that it is untrue or unreal. It is real, albeit limited and earthly. If I expect too much, the other person will let me know, for he or she can neither play God nor serve all my needs. Love coexists with imperfection. It “bears all things” and can hold its peace before the limitations of the loved one.

The most effective weapon the cultural left has played in their war on marriage has been the unrealistic expectations game.

 

And part of that expectations game is discouragement

116. Panta elpízei. Love does not despair of the future. Following upon what has just been said, this phrase speaks of the hope of one who knows that others can change, mature and radiate unexpected beauty and untold potential. This does not mean that everything will change in this life.  It does involve realizing that, though things may not always turn out as we wish, God may well make crooked lines straight and draw some good from the evil we endure in this world.

As CS Lewis pointed out in screwtape the trick of the enemy is to make you panic over a bunch of different futures that can’t all happen.  That’s another tool in the war on marriage they has been particularly effective and or the press to acknowledge these realities would undo decades of hard fighting in that war.