Readability

The New Normal

circlesby baldilocks

Let’s talk about sex. Don’t get your hopes or any­thing else up.

Yes­ter­day, Drudge linked to a Tele­graph arti­cle enti­tled “Have we for­got­ten how to have nor­mal sex?” The author goes on about all the types of things which were once con­sid­ered abnor­mal and are now “nor­mal.” And you, know what? Read­ing about it is, to me, totally uninspiring.

I’m sin­gle and will be 55 years old in a few months. Just yes­ter­day I had been think­ing about the topic, and the three men I’ve tried to have a rela­tion­ship with in the last decade— all younger — who were down with the New Nor­mal and decided that I would rather remain sin­gle and celi­bate than have to deal with any of this sort of thing out­side of mar­riage and even within it, if it’s focal point of the union.

Most of this atti­tude is due to being a fol­lower of Christ, but not all of it. Before my con­ver­sion — and even, regret­tably, for some time after­ward – I cer­tainly was not a good lit­tle vir­tu­ous girl. But there are cer­tain things I did only with my for­mer hus­band and I have been divorced for over 20 years. For me, it has always been a mat­ter of trust.

And there’s another mat­ter. The New Nor­mal seems to have become the “real” sex and those of us who pre­fer the old nor­mal have become “prud­ish” or “frigid.” I have been labelled both; the lat­ter is laugh­able, but the for­mer needs some unpacking.PrudeDefinition

Nudity isn’t shock­ing to this adult. But I really don’t care about see­ing any­one nude, even myself. (This will change, should I remarry.) And the Inter­net has made nudity ubiq­ui­tous, tire­some, and nearly unavoid­able, espe­cially if one has a social media account. Peo­ple like Kim Kar­dashian seem to think that pub­lic nudity is “empow­er­ing” — as if show­ing the world that you have the same equip­ment as bil­lions of other humans imbues power over oth­ers. Bored, not shocked.

As for being shocked with mat­ters related to sex, I’m not shocked about the large amount of infor­ma­tion I have about the old nor­mal ver­sion of sex, nor small amount of infor­ma­tion I have about the New Nor­mal ver­sions. How­ever, I just find obses­sion about orgasm in all its forms to be point­less. Orgasms feel great, of course, but what is the point of mak­ing a few sec­onds of phys­i­cal plea­sure the be-​all and end-​all of life?

Wilt Cham­ber­lain is reported to have had thou­sands of women as sex­ual part­ners. Many men — and women — have been envi­ous of that “achieve­ment,” even more than of Chamberlain’s bas­ket­ball achieve­ments. But, to me, Chamberlain’s sex­ual con­quest con­vey some­thing else: an inabil­ity to be sat­is­fied, along with an inabil­ity to form any last­ing men­tal, emo­tional, and/​or spir­i­tual con­nec­tion with a poten­tial mate (Cham­ber­lain was never mar­ried.) I find that depress­ing; it’s like look­ing for hap­pi­ness by stand­ing in one spot and spin­ning in a cir­cle over and over again for decades. Wilt could have con­sulted King Solomon on this topic.

Con­sent­ing adults should do what they want and how they want to, but you and I know that the “not my cir­cus; not my mon­keys” atti­tude long ceased being enough. Then it was that New Nor­mal needed to be approved of and cel­e­brated. But now that’s not enough either.

Now you have to embrace the New Nor­mal for your­self or there is some­thing wrong with you. I refute this for myself and I’ll bet many oth­ers do as well, includ­ing one man out there whom God has picked for me.

Juli­ette Akinyi Ochieng blogs at baldilocks. (Her older blog is located here.) Her first novel, Tale of the Tigers: Love is Not a Game, was pub­lished in 2012. Her sec­ond novel will be done in 2016. Fol­low her on Twit­ter.

Please con­tribute to Juliette’s JOB: Her new novel, her blog, her Inter­net to keep the lat­ter going and COF­FEE to keep her going!

Or hit Da Tech Guy’s Tip Jar in the name of Inde­pen­dent Journalism — -»»baldilocks

circlesby baldilocks

Let’s talk about sex. Don’t get your hopes or anything else up.

Yesterday, Drudge linked to a Telegraph article entitled “Have we forgotten how to have normal sex?” The author goes on about all the types of things which were once considered abnormal and are now “normal.” And you, know what? Reading about it is, to me, totally uninspiring.

I’m single and will be 55 years old in a few months. Just yesterday I had been thinking about the topic, and the three men I’ve tried to have a relationship with in the last decade— all younger—who were down with the New Normal and decided that I would rather remain single and celibate than have to deal with any of this sort of thing outside of marriage and even within it, if it’s focal point of the union.

Most of this attitude is due to being a follower of Christ, but not all of it. Before my conversion—and even, regrettably, for some time afterward–I certainly was not a good little virtuous girl. But there are certain things I did only with my former husband and I have been divorced for over 20 years. For me, it has always been a matter of trust.

And there’s another matter. The New Normal seems to have become the “real” sex and those of us who prefer the old normal have become “prudish” or “frigid.” I have been labelled both; the latter is laughable, but the former needs some unpacking.PrudeDefinition

Nudity isn’t shocking to this adult. But I really don’t care about seeing anyone nude, even myself. (This will change, should I remarry.) And the Internet has made nudity ubiquitous, tiresome, and nearly unavoidable, especially if one has a social media account. People like Kim Kardashian seem to think that public nudity is “empowering”—as if showing the world that you have the same equipment as billions of other humans imbues power over others. Bored, not shocked.

As for being shocked with matters related to sex, I’m not shocked about the large amount of information I have about the old normal version of sex, nor small amount of information I have about the New Normal versions. However, I just find obsession about orgasm in all its forms to be pointless. Orgasms feel great, of course, but what is the point of making a few seconds of physical pleasure the be-all and end-all of life?

Wilt Chamberlain is reported to have had thousands of women as sexual partners. Many men—and women—have been envious of that “achievement,” even more than of Chamberlain’s basketball achievements. But, to me, Chamberlain’s sexual conquest convey something else: an inability to be satisfied, along with an inability to form any lasting mental, emotional, and/or spiritual connection with a potential mate (Chamberlain was never married.) I find that depressing; it’s like looking for happiness by standing in one spot and spinning in a circle over and over again for decades. Wilt could have consulted King Solomon on this topic.

Consenting adults should do what they want and how they want to, but you and I know that the “not my circus; not my monkeys” attitude long ceased being enough. Then it was that New Normal needed to be approved of and celebrated. But now that’s not enough either.

Now you have to embrace the New Normal for yourself or there is something wrong with you. I refute this for myself and I’ll bet many others do as well, including one man out there whom God has picked for me.

Juliette Akinyi Ochieng blogs at baldilocks. (Her older blog is located here.) Her first novel, Tale of the Tigers: Love is Not a Game, was published in 2012. Her second novel will be done in 2016. Follow her on Twitter.

Please contribute to Juliette’s JOB:  Her new novel, her blog, her Internet to keep the latter going and COFFEE to keep her going!

Or hit Da Tech Guy’s Tip Jar in the name of Independent Journalism—->>>>baldilocks