Readability

General Blather on Disagreement

by baldilocks

Peo­ple hate it when you dis­agree with them.

No mat­ter how rea­son­able they are, how will­ing to lis­ten, nor how much they actively acknowl­edge the self-​evident truth that each of us is dif­fer­ent from every other in count­less ways — even so-​called iden­ti­cal twins — any given person’s first reac­tion to dis­agree­ment is anger.

That reac­tion many not even man­i­fest itself, may last less than a sec­ond, and it may be so tamed or so dom­i­nant that is doesn’t even reg­is­ter to the per­son feel­ing the anger, but it exists for every­one who isn’t stunted emo­tion­ally. The per­son who has learned to tame his/​her anger knows when it is appro­pri­ate and when it isn’t; that anger lasts but a sec­ond – if that long – and this process has become sim­i­lar to an auto­nomic func­tion. Like breathing.

The one whose anger is dom­i­nant is the prob­lem, how­ever. That anger can last indef­i­nitely with­out the angry per­sonangereven acknowl­edg­ing it. But, for sure, every­one who comes into con­tact with that per­son feels the fire, often because that fire is directed at them.

Those who have tamed their anger often learn to ask why other per­sons dis­agree. Such per­sons thought­fully con­sider the other point of view if it is cogently explained and argued. The anger-​dominated per­son never asks why, but sim­ply goes into attack mode, and why not? Because, to her, you have ini­ti­ated attack by dis­agree­ing with her and all she is doing is respond­ing in kind…or so she per­ceives. The anger dom­i­nated chick’s response has become auto­nomic also.

The angry seem to have repro­duced like rab­bits in highly traf­ficked online polit­i­cal com­ment sec­tions of late, but they’ve always been around. Think about some fam­ily mem­bers we all have with whom we limit the top­ics of con­ver­sa­tion. And let’s not even get started on the last four pres­i­den­tial elec­tions — or the upcom­ing one.

Just remem­ber that there are many peo­ple out there who view any devi­a­tion from their own opin­ion as an affront to their per­son­hood, to their right to exist. Remem­ber it and have sym­pa­thy for them. They have noth­ing else and many of them don’t want any­thing else.

DAY ELEVEN: Still not smok­ing. And my apart­ment is far more orderly than usual. Hur­ray for OCD!

Juli­ette Akinyi Ochieng blogs at baldilocks. (Her older blog is located here.) Her first novel, Tale of the Tigers: Love is Not a Game, was pub­lished in 2012. Her sec­ond novel will be done in 2016. Fol­low her on Twit­ter.

Please con­tribute to Juliette’s JOB: Her new novel, her blog, her Inter­net to keep the lat­ter going and COF­FEE to keep her going!

Or hit Da Tech Guy’s Tip Jar in the name of Inde­pen­dent Jour­nal­ism — -»»>baldilocks

by baldilocks

People hate it when you disagree with them.

No matter how reasonable they are, how willing to listen, nor how much they actively acknowledge the self-evident truth that each of us is different from every other in countless ways—even so-called identical twins—any given person’s first reaction to disagreement is anger.

That reaction many not even manifest itself, may last less than a second, and it may be so tamed or so dominant that is doesn’t even register to the person feeling the anger, but it exists for everyone who isn’t stunted emotionally. The person who has learned to tame his/her anger knows when it is appropriate and when it isn’t; that anger lasts but a second–if that long–and this process has become similar to an autonomic function. Like breathing.

The one whose anger is dominant is the problem, however. That anger can last indefinitely without the angry personangereven acknowledging it.  But, for sure, everyone who comes into contact with that person feels the fire, often because that fire is directed at them.

Those who have tamed their anger often learn to ask why other persons disagree. Such persons thoughtfully consider the other point of view if it is cogently explained and argued. The anger-dominated person never asks why, but simply goes into attack mode, and why not? Because, to her, you have initiated attack by disagreeing with her and all she is doing is responding in kind…or so she perceives. The anger dominated chick’s response has become autonomic also.

The angry seem to have reproduced like rabbits in highly trafficked online political comment sections of late, but they’ve always been around. Think about some family members we all have with whom we limit the topics of conversation. And let’s not even get started on the last four presidential elections—or the upcoming one.

Just remember that there are many people out there who view any deviation from their own opinion as an affront to their personhood, to their right to exist. Remember it and have sympathy for them. They have nothing else and many of them don’t want anything else.

DAY ELEVEN: Still not smoking. And my apartment is far more orderly than usual. Hurray for OCD!

Juliette Akinyi Ochieng blogs at baldilocks. (Her older blog is located here.) Her first novel, Tale of the Tigers: Love is Not a Game, was published in 2012. Her second novel will be done in 2016. Follow her on Twitter.

Please contribute to Juliette’s JOB:  Her new novel, her blog, her Internet to keep the latter going and COFFEE to keep her going!

Or hit Da Tech Guy’s Tip Jar in the name of Independent Journalism—->>>>>baldilocks