The 1st Amendment (Woke Liberal Translation)

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The 1st Amendment (Woke Liberal Translation)

“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scorn­ful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean — nei­ther more nor less.”

Lewis Carol Through the Look­ing Glass

All ani­mals are equal but some are more equal than others

George Orwell Ani­mal Farm

One of the most dif­fi­cult things about being 54 or older is the con­fu­sion that comes from hav­ing been raised with the con­cept that words actu­ally mean what they say as opposed to either our lib­eral “bet­ters” in media and cul­ture or col­lege stu­dents who some­how in their 1821 years have man­aged to become wiser than the col­lec­tive wis­dom of all of human soci­ety that came before them.

For exam­ple while a per­son of my age and edu­ca­tion thinks the first amend­ment says and means this.

Con­gress shall make no law respect­ing an estab­lish­ment of reli­gion, or pro­hibit­ing the free exer­cise thereof; or abridg­ing the free­dom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the peo­ple peace­ably to assem­ble, and to peti­tion the Gov­ern­ment for a redress of grievances.

Other peo­ple read it quite differently

Sup­port­ers of the NFL play­ers protest believes the first amend­ment actu­ally says this:

The National Foot­ball League shall make no rule abridg­ing the free­dom of speech dur­ing the work day of the play­ers except­ing cel­e­bra­tion after the con­clu­sion of a play par­tic­u­larly in the end zone after a scor­ing play.

Cam­pus left­ists believes it actu­ally says this

Col­lege admin­is­tra­tors shall make no rule abridg­ing the free­dom of speech and action of any pro­tester on cam­pus, except­ing actions by groups or indi­vid­u­als defined by said pro­test­ers as unac­cept­able or “triggering”

While the LGBT com­mu­nity believes it says this:

The gov­ern­ment shall make no rule estab­lish­ing the free exer­cise thereof of any reli­gion or busi­ness owned by a prac­ti­tioner of same to prac­tice or pub­licly state beliefs that in in any way that con­tra­dicts the agenda of the LGBT com­mu­nity, nor shall abridge the free­dom of the LGBT com­mu­nity or their sup­port­ers to restrict the free­dom of speech of any indi­vid­ual who is unwill­ing to sup­port the gen­der def­i­n­i­tions and agenda thereof.

The real prob­lem is, other than the fact that all of these new per­mu­ta­tions con­tra­dict the actual words writ­ten in the Con­sti­tu­tion, is that these def­i­n­i­tions and other con­sti­tu­tional con­tor­tions often over­lap which makes actu­ally express­ing what the 1st Amend­ment means to the left a dif­fi­cult chore when try­ing to express what words and actions it allows and what it does not, par­tic­u­larly for those of us who still believe words should mean what they say.

So in the inter­est of both brevity and under­stand­ing what the left means when they talk about “free­dom of speech” here is the first Amend­ment as defined by the left.

I have the right to speak or act as I wish with­out any con­se­quence, those who dis­agree with me do not.

That is the left in a nut­shell and that is the rea­son why they must be fought.


Nor­mally you would see my tip jar pitch here and while I would encour­age to at all times to hit said jar I’d like to pitch the GoFundme cam­paign of old friend con­ser­v­a­tive jour­nal­ist Warner Todd Hus­ton or rather his son whose cam­paign to raise money to replace his father’s car that was torched by “par­ties unknown” is, as of this writ­ing, still six grand short

Of course if you want to do that and still hit DaTipJar




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Choose a Sub­scrip­tion level



or buy my book

I’m fine with that too.

“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean – neither more nor less.”

Lewis Carol Through the Looking Glass

All animals are equal but some are more equal than others

George Orwell Animal Farm

One of the most difficult things about being 54 or older is the confusion that comes from having been raised with the concept that words actually mean what they say as opposed to either our liberal “betters” in media and culture or college students who somehow in their 18-21 years have managed to become wiser than the collective wisdom of all of human society that came before them.

For example while a person of my age and education thinks the first amendment says and means this.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Other people read it quite differently

Supporters of the NFL players protest believes the first amendment actually says this:

The National Football League shall make no rule abridging the freedom of speech during the work day of the players excepting celebration after the conclusion of a play particularly in the end zone after a scoring play.

Campus leftists believes it actually says this

College administrators shall make no rule abridging the freedom of speech and action of any protester on campus, excepting actions by groups or individuals defined by said protesters as unacceptable or “triggering”

While the LGBT community believes it says this:

The government shall make no rule establishing the free exercise thereof of any religion or business owned by a practitioner of same to practice or publicly state beliefs that in in any way that contradicts the agenda of the LGBT community, nor shall abridge the freedom of the LGBT community or their supporters to restrict the freedom of speech of any individual who is unwilling to support the gender definitions and agenda thereof.

The real problem is, other than the fact that all of these new permutations contradict the actual words written in the Constitution, is that these definitions and other constitutional contortions often overlap which makes actually expressing what the 1st Amendment means to the left a difficult chore when trying to express what words and actions it allows and what it does not, particularly for those of us who still believe words should mean what they say.

So in the interest of both brevity and understanding what the left means when they talk about “freedom of speech” here is the first Amendment as defined by the left.

I have the right to speak or act as I wish without any consequence, those who disagree with me do not.

That is the left in a nutshell and that is the reason why they must be fought.


Normally you would see my tip jar pitch here and while I would encourage to at all times to hit said jar I’d like to pitch the GoFundme campaign of old friend conservative journalist Warner Todd Huston or rather his son whose campaign to raise money to replace his father’s car that was torched by “parties unknown” is, as of this writing,  still six grand short

Of course if you want to do that and still hit DaTipJar




Or subscribe


Choose a Subscription level



or buy my book

I’m fine with that too.