Readability

Sometimes It's You

by baldilocks

[Uhura walks away and Bones walks up to Spock]

McCoy: You guys break up? What’d you do?

Spock: A typ­i­cally reduc­tive inquiry, Doctor.

McCoy: You know, Spock, if an Earth girl says, uh, “it’s me, not you,” it’s def­i­nitely you.

– Star Trek: Beyond

I know you fel­las hate the Friend Zone, but most guys I’ve rel­e­gated to that pur­ga­to­r­ial habi­ta­tion got there through their own mis­be­hav­ior. They got demoted and if they wanted to remain in my life, they got friend-​zoned. Their prob­lem, not mine.

One guy, how­ever, got Friend-​Zoned imme­di­ately. He was nice, not bad-​looking, polite, gain­fully employed. But he did this one thing that drove me nuts. He would not respond per­ti­nently to any­thing I said that was mean­ing­ful to me nor about top­ics where our opin­ions dif­fered. It felt like he was sift­ing out the parts of me that were objec­tion­able to him and only allow­ing him­self to see those things which were agree­able to him.

But he was a gen­tle­man. I don’t think we even held hands.

Sim­ply put, I need to be lis­tened to and I think most peo­ple – men and women – need this. Within lim­its. Limits.

I was reminded of this poor fel­low when I read this: Fem­i­nist First Dates.

If you hap­pen to find your­self on a first date with an inter­sec­tional fem­i­nist, expect to be taxed with such ques­tions as:

Do you believe that Black Lives Mat­ter? [Cor­rect answer: Yes.]

How do you work to dis­man­tle sex­ism and misog­yny in your life? [You’d bet­ter have some spe­cific exam­ples on hand.]

What are your thoughts on sex work? [Pon­der the con­tention that “being pro – sex worker [i.e., pros­ti­tute] is a nec­es­sary pil­lar of dis­man­tling the patriarchy.”]

Do you think cap­i­tal­ism is exploita­tive? [There is obvi­ously only one answer to this.]

And so on. For our money, how­ever, the more press­ing ques­tion any seri­ous “inter­sec­tional fem­i­nist” embark­ing on this inquisi­to­r­ial pro­gram should ask is, “Will I ever have a sec­ond date?

Whew boy. And peo­ple say I’m hard to get along with. I wouldn’t even Friend-​Zone a guy who asked me this crap. Restrain­ing Order Zone, maybe.

I know what most guys would do under such con­di­tions. Run­ning away as fast you can is an accept­able solution.

Juli­ette Akinyi Ochieng blogs at baldilocks. (Her older blog is located here.) Her first novel, Tale of the Tigers: Love is Not a Game, was pub­lished in 2012. Her sec­ond novel ten­ta­tively titled Arlen’s Harem, will be done one day soon! Fol­low her on Twit­ter and on Gab​.ai.

Please con­tribute to Juliette’s JOB: Her new novel, her blog, her Inter­net to keep the lat­ter going and COF­FEE to keep her going!

Or hit Da Tech Guy’s Tip Jar in the name of Inde­pen­dent Journalism!

by baldilocks

[Uhura walks away and Bones walks up to Spock]

McCoy: You guys break up? What’d you do?

Spock: A typically reductive inquiry, Doctor.

 McCoy: You know, Spock, if an Earth girl says, uh, “it’s me, not you,” it’s definitely you.

— Star Trek: Beyond

I know you fellas hate the Friend Zone, but most guys I’ve relegated to that purgatorial habitation got there through their own misbehavior. They got demoted and if they wanted to remain in my life, they got friend-zoned. Their problem, not mine.

One guy, however, got Friend-Zoned immediately. He was nice, not bad-looking, polite, gainfully employed. But he did this one thing that drove me nuts. He would not respond pertinently to anything I said that was meaningful to me nor about topics where our opinions differed. It felt like he was sifting out the parts of me that were objectionable to him and only allowing himself to see those things which were agreeable to him.

But he was a gentleman. I don’t think we even held hands.

Simply put, I need to be listened to and I think most people – men and women – need this. Within limits. Limits.

I was reminded of this poor fellow when I read this: Feminist First Dates.

If you happen to find yourself on a first date with an intersectional feminist, expect to be taxed with such questions as:

Do you believe that Black Lives Matter? [Correct answer: Yes.]

How do you work to dismantle sexism and misogyny in your life? [You’d better have some specific examples on hand.]

What are your thoughts on sex work? [Ponder the contention that “being pro–sex worker [i.e., prostitute] is a necessary pillar of dismantling the patriarchy.”]

Do you think capitalism is exploitative? [There is obviously only one answer to this.]

And so on. For our money, however, the more pressing question any serious “intersectional feminist” embarking on this inquisitorial program should ask is, “Will I ever have a second date?

Whew boy. And people say I’m hard to get along with. I wouldn’t even Friend-Zone a guy who asked me this crap. Restraining Order Zone, maybe.

I know what most guys would do under such conditions. Running away as fast you can is an acceptable solution.

Juliette Akinyi Ochieng blogs at baldilocks. (Her older blog is located here.) Her first novel, Tale of the Tigers: Love is Not a Game, was published in 2012. Her second novel tentatively titled Arlen’s Harem, will be done one day soon! Follow her on Twitter and on Gab.ai.

Please contribute to Juliette’s JOB:  Her new novel, her blog, her Internet to keep the latter going and COFFEE to keep her going!

Or hit Da Tech Guy’s Tip Jar in the name of Independent Journalism!