The Self-Identification Retirement Plan

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The Self-Identification Retirement Plan

Age is a state of mind.” –Her­mann Hesse

Age isn’t how old you are but how old you feel.” — Gabriel Gar­cia Marquez

One of my favorite sub­jects in high school was geom­e­try. I espe­cially enjoyed doing geo­met­ric proofs where, using a set of rules, or the­o­rems, we would start with a set of agreed-​upon facts about a prob­lem (“given that angle A-​B-​C is a right angle”) and apply proven the­o­rems to show how the facts lead to a spec­i­fied con­clu­sion (“prove that line seg­ment BC bisects line seg­ment DF”). One aspect of these exer­cises that appealed to my log­i­cal (and slightly OCD) brain was how the the­o­rems them­selves were built up from other the­o­rems. Once we proved a hypoth­e­sis, it became a the­o­rem that we could use to prove addi­tional prob­lems. But we had to start from some­where. We started with “axioms” which were state­ments that were taken to be true and did not require proof (“two par­al­lel lines never inter­sect” for exam­ple). One way we tested hypothe­ses in geom­e­try was to see if they led to a con­tra­dic­tion of another previously-​proven the­o­rem or axiom. If a con­tra­dic­tion could be shown, then the hypoth­e­sis was proven false. In other words, start­ing from com­mon prin­ci­ples, we could log­i­cally apply a set of rules to estab­lish the accu­racy or truth of a state­ment about a given prob­lem. One would think that such an approach ought to work in soci­ety as a whole.

The sci­ence of genet­ics tells us that a per­son born with XY chro­mo­somes is a male and one born with XX chro­mo­somes is a female. This is an objec­tive fact. Accord­ing to dic​tio​nary​.com, a man is “an adult male per­son, as dis­tin­guished from a boy or a woman.” How­ever, lib­er­als would have us believe that an objectively-​defined man could – in fact, must – be con­sid­ered a woman if he so chooses. So lib­er­als claim that a person’s beliefs about his or her own exis­tence over­ride objec­tive real­ity. Let’s con­sider this a hypoth­e­sis that we can test using our log­i­cal method from high school geom­e­try and see how well it holds up.

There is no log­i­cal rea­son why this abil­ity for a per­son to change an objec­tive fact about him­self or her­self based sim­ply on believ­ing it to be so should be lim­ited to sex. If I can make myself a woman sim­ply by believ­ing myself to be one, I should also be able to make myself a dif­fer­ent age. There­fore, from now on I am declar­ing myself to be 68 years old which, accord­ing to the Left, now makes me eli­gi­ble to col­lect Social Secu­rity (cur­rent eli­gi­ble age: 67), Medicare (65) and to with­draw penalty-​free from my 401(k) account (59½). I will be noti­fy­ing the ACLU of this fact and expect them to rep­re­sent me pro bono as I attempt to col­lect my money.

Q.E.D.

“Age is a state of mind.” –Hermann Hesse

“Age isn’t how old you are but how old you feel.”  – Gabriel Garcia Marquez

One of my favorite subjects in high school was geometry. I especially enjoyed doing geometric proofs where, using a set of rules, or theorems, we would start with a set of agreed-upon facts about a problem (“given that angle A-B-C is a right angle”) and apply proven theorems to show how the facts lead to a specified conclusion (“prove that line segment BC bisects line segment DF”). One aspect of these exercises that appealed to my logical (and slightly OCD) brain was how the theorems themselves were built up from other theorems. Once we proved a hypothesis, it became a theorem that we could use to prove additional problems. But we had to start from somewhere. We started with “axioms” which were statements that were taken to be true and did not require proof (“two parallel lines never intersect” for example). One way we tested hypotheses in geometry was to see if they led to a contradiction of another previously-proven theorem or axiom. If a contradiction could be shown, then the hypothesis was proven false. In other words, starting from common principles, we could logically apply a set of rules to establish the accuracy or truth of a statement about a given problem. One would think that such an approach ought to work in society as a whole.

The science of genetics tells us that a person born with XY chromosomes is a male and one born with XX chromosomes is a female. This is an objective fact. According to dictionary.com, a man is “an adult male person, as distinguished from a boy or a woman.” However, liberals would have us believe that an objectively-defined man could – in fact, must – be considered a woman if he so chooses. So liberals claim that a person’s beliefs about his or her own existence override objective reality. Let’s consider this a hypothesis that we can test using our logical method from high school geometry and see how well it holds up.

There is no logical reason why this ability for a person to change an objective fact about himself or herself based simply on believing it to be so should be limited to sex. If I can make myself a woman simply by believing myself to be one, I should also be able to make myself a different age. Therefore, from now on I am declaring myself to be 68 years old which, according to the Left, now makes me eligible to collect Social Security (current eligible age: 67), Medicare (65) and to withdraw penalty-free from my 401(k) account (59½). I will be notifying the ACLU of this fact and expect them to represent me pro bono as I attempt to collect my money.

Q.E.D.