30 Tips to Stay Married 30 Years Today: A Long Engagement

Readability

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 Years Today: A Long Engagement

Thus grief still treads upon the heels of plea­sure:
Mar­ried in haste, we may repent at leisure.

The Old Batch­e­lour, 1693:

One of the biggest mis­takes peo­ple make in mar­riage is haste. A trip to Vegas, or a rush to a Jus­tice of the peace and sud­denly you are in a legal rela­tion­ship whose fail­ure can cost you plenty.

A long engage­ment means that you get time to know each other, to spend time with each other, to see how oth­ers react in a cri­sis, to test your judge­ment. It also gives time to see how you act in con­flict because con­flicts WILL arise and you need to see how these will be handled.

Now by a long engage­ment I don’t mean liv­ing together, While that does pro­vide some pre­view of com­ing events it becomes very easy to fall into the “it’s just a piece of paper” trap, which I will address in a future tip.

In the catholic Church there are meet­ings and mar­riage prepa­ra­tion that take place, these allows you to con­sider things that you have not advised by a per­son who deals with fam­i­lies every day and has seen mar­riages work and fail. This is an invalu­able tool and a long engage­ment gives time for it to be used.

Addi­tion­ally a long engage­ment give extra time to plan the Wed­ding date to max­i­mize the chance of dis­tant guests to attend, to give wig­gle room in case an issue comes up and to be sure that your Wed­ding day is a mem­o­rable one.

The idea is to have a sin­gle wed­ding day in one’s life­time, so take the time to make it a good one and it will help make it last.

Pre­vi­ously: Tip 1: Choose Wisely

Thus grief still treads upon the heels of pleasure:
Married in haste, we may repent at leisure.

The Old Batchelour, 1693:

One of the biggest mistakes people make in marriage is haste. A trip to Vegas, or a rush to a Justice of the peace and suddenly you are in a legal relationship whose failure can cost you plenty.

A long engagement means that you get time to know each other, to spend time with each other, to see how others react in a crisis, to test your judgement. It also gives time to see how you act in conflict because conflicts WILL arise and you need to see how these will be handled.

Now by a long engagement I don’t mean living together, While that does provide some preview of coming events it becomes very easy to fall into the “it’s just a piece of paper” trap, which I will address in a future tip.

In the catholic Church there are meetings and marriage preparation that take place, these allows you to consider things that you have not advised by a person who deals with families every day and has seen marriages work and fail. This is an invaluable tool and a long engagement gives time for it to be used.

Additionally a long engagement give extra time to plan the Wedding date to maximize the chance of distant guests to attend, to give wiggle room in case an issue comes up and to be sure that your Wedding day is a memorable one.

The idea is to have a single wedding day in one’s lifetime, so take the time to make it a good one and it will help make it last.

Previously:  Tip 1:  Choose Wisely