30 Tips to Stay Married 30 Years Today: Don’t Diss your Spouse to your friends

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30 Tips to Stay Married 30 Years Today: Don't Diss your Spouse to your friends

Marisa: Can you keep a secret?
Car­o­line: Yes of course.
Marisa: Good. So can I.

Maid in Man­hat­tan 2002

This is a corol­lary to the our last tip about going to par­ents or older rel­a­tives for advice. There are times when your spouse is going to drive you nuts and you will want to vent about your spouse, when that time comes, make sure you don’t do that vent­ing to friends, par­tic­u­larly in a group.

There is noth­ing that will start the seeds of trou­ble in a mar­riage that gos­sip about a spouse, and there is no secret less likely to be kept than gos­sip made about a spouse with a group of friends

One of the best bits of advice I ever heard came from my for­mer radio co-​host Joe Mangi­cotti on the sub­ject of gos­sip remind­ing peo­ple that the prob­lem with gos­sip­ing about peo­ple when you’re with a group is sooner or later you will leave the table and the sub­ject of the gos­sip will be about you. (An exam­ple of this lit­er­ally took place a few min­utes ago while I was fin­ish­ing a pre­vi­ous col­umn in this series while din­ing out in an inti­mate pub­lic place. One per­son com­mented on the longevity of their mar­riage and as soon as said per­son left a com­pany of com­ments con­cern­ing said person’s infi­deli­ties was the pub­lic talk of every­one around me.)

Gos­sip within a group or even with a friends has an excel­lent chance of spread­ing, par­tic­u­larly in the social media age, back to a spouse who will not be amused to be used as a punch­ing bag in front of other peo­ple. It also has the real poten­tial to back­fire on you within said group as well or to cause mem­bers of the group to treat your spouse dif­fer­ently which will only add to ten­sions that exist.

This is one of the eas­i­est ways to break trust and one of the hard­est to repair later.

So do your­self a favor, if you’re out with the boys and/​or girls and your angry with your spouse about some­thing keep it under your hat and if you aren’t capa­ble of doing so post­pone that night out for another time.

Your mar­riage will thank you for it.

The 30 Tips to Say Mar­ried 30 years so far

Tip 1: Choose Wisely
Tip 2: A long Engage­ment
Tip 3: Get Mar­ried in Church
Tip 4: Don’t write your own vows.
Tip 5: Set lim­its early
Tip 6: Live Mod­estly
Tip 7: Embrace Your Mother-​In-​Law
Tip 8: If pos­si­ble take advan­tage of your parent’s advice.


If you’d like to con­tinue to sup­port inde­pen­dent jour­nal­ism, help defray the $140 a month extra I’ll need for my new host­ing site) and think my CPAC 2018 report­ing is worth­while please con­sider hit­ting DaTip­Jar here.



Con­sider sub­scrib­ing. 7 more sub­scribers at $20 a month will pay the monthly price for the new host/​server.


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Finally might I sug­gest my book Hail Mary the Per­fect Protes­tant (and Catholic) Prayer makes an excel­lent Gift.

Marisa: Can you keep a secret?
Caroline: Yes of course.
Marisa: Good. So can I.

Maid in Manhattan 2002

This is a corollary to the our last tip about going to parents or older relatives for advice.  There are times when your spouse is going to drive you nuts and you will want to vent about your spouse, when that time comes, make sure you don’t do that venting to friends, particularly in a group.

There is nothing that will start the seeds of trouble in a marriage that gossip about a spouse, and there is no secret less likely to be kept than gossip made about a spouse with a group of friends

One of the best bits of advice I ever heard came from my former radio co-host Joe Mangicotti on the subject of gossip reminding people that the problem with gossiping about people when you’re with a group is sooner or later you will leave the table and the subject of the gossip will be about you. (An example of this literally took place a few minutes ago while I was finishing a previous column in this series while dining out in an intimate public place.  One person commented on the longevity of their marriage and as soon as said person left a company of comments concerning said person’s infidelities was the public talk of everyone around me.)

Gossip within a group or even with a friends has an excellent chance of spreading, particularly in the social media age, back to a spouse who will not be amused to be used as a punching bag in front of other people.  It also has the real potential to backfire on you within said group as well or to cause members of the group to treat your spouse differently which will only add to tensions that exist.

This is one of the easiest ways to break trust and one of the hardest to repair later.

So do yourself a favor, if you’re out with the boys and/or girls and your angry with your spouse about something keep it under your hat and if you aren’t capable of doing so postpone that night out for another time.

Your marriage will thank you for it.

The 30 Tips to Say Married 30 years so far

Tip 1:  Choose Wisely
Tip 2: A long Engagement
Tip 3: Get Married in Church
Tip 4: Don’t write your own vows.
Tip 5: Set limits early
Tip 6: Live Modestly
Tip 7: Embrace Your Mother-In-Law
Tip 8: If possible take advantage of your parent’s advice.


If you’d like to continue to support independent journalism, help defray the $140 a month extra I’ll need for my new hosting site) and think my CPAC 2018 reporting is worthwhile please consider hitting DaTipJar here.



Consider subscribing. 7 more subscribers at $20 a month will pay the monthly price for the new host/server.


Choose a Subscription level


Finally might I suggest my book Hail Mary the Perfect Protestant (and Catholic) Prayer makes an excellent Gift.