The Modern Courage, Truth and Friend Deficit

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The Modern Courage, Truth and Friend Deficit

Fr. Michael Har­vey: I was try­ing to make it eas­ier for you.
Mag­gie Har­vey: I didn’t want it made eas­ier, I wanted you to say ‘No’.

Cracker My Brother’s Keeper 1995

Yes­ter­day Stacy McCain wrote some­thing that really struck me:

There is a rea­son why slut-​shaming exists. If sluts are not shamed — if promis­cu­ity is cel­e­brated and glam­or­ized the way Sex and the City did — more young women will waste their youth the way Julia Baugher wasted hers. Who would want their daugh­ter to end up that way, hav­ing ruined her rep­u­ta­tion and squan­dered so many chances at hap­pi­ness, des­per­ately hop­ing at age 37 to set­tle for a “rea­son­able choice”?

. The rea­son why this struck me is that I just got back home from a week stay­ing with my friend Vinne Kelly hie brother and his 90 year old Dad in Litho­nia GA right in sight of Stone Moun­tain. I went to school with 40 years ago with his brother George who lives a few min­utes away A few hours before we flew out Sat­ur­day Night we had lunch at Bradley’s Bar-​B-​Que (the best BBQ I had dur­ing my trip)

While eat­ing I thanked Mr. Kelly for hav­ing us in his house. He replied that he had taught his sons to have many acquain­tances but few friends.

Now one of the things that age has taught me is that the eas­i­est way to tell the dif­fer­ence between a friend and an acquain­tance is either dur­ing a time of trou­ble or when you are about to do some­thing incred­i­bly stu­pid, fool­ish or both.

It’s my expe­ri­ence that an acquain­tance will regard­less of their own actual opin­ion will go along with what you are doing and if it’s some­thing that soci­ety is accept­ing or encour­ag­ing, might even even encour­age you on.

For exam­ple to sug­gest to a young woman going to col­lege that he best way to avoid a bad sit­u­a­tion might be to avoid exces­sive drink­ing at a party or even bet­ter avoid­ing such par­ties where peo­ple drink to excess is some­thing that will cause woman’s stud­ies depart­ments all over the nation to label you as a misog­y­nist who wants to con­trol women.

To sug­gest to a girl like Miriam Weeks aka Belle Knox that rather being paid to have sex with strangers on film so that peo­ple can for­ever mas­tur­bate to the sight of said film to make up for your short­fall in the $70k tuition and expense cost at Duke, “set­tling” for a col­lege that might cost 40K a year might be a bet­ter and more dig­ni­fied deci­sion can get you tagged as a fun­da­men­tal­ist and pil­lo­ried on social media.

To state that get­ting a dis­ease like AIDS is almost impos­si­ble if you fol­low the bib­li­cal rules con­cern­ing sex (celibacy before mar­riage monogamy after­wards) while also eschew­ing drugs and shar­ing nee­dles and mar­ry­ing some­one who does the same you are homophobic

To sug­gest to a co-​worker that hav­ing an oper­a­tion to remove their penis and tak­ing hor­mones for the rest of their life in order to pre­tend they are a girl is not only dan­ger­ous but that the sui­cide rate of such peo­ple is very high might even get you fired in some states.

To sug­gest that obe­sity is an unhealthy thing means you are a hate­ful per­son who is “fat slaming”

Yet the real­ity is all these mes­sages an actual friend, some­one who really cares about you, might say if you are lean­ing in any of these direc­tions while an acquain­tance would go along to get along.

We live in an era where basic sense that our grand­fa­thers knew and under­stood is called “hate” that vot­ing the wrong way gets you tagged as a Nazi and eat­ing at the wrong chicken place make you in the eyes of some a bigot. It’s no coin­ci­dence that when peo­ple quote St. Fran­cis they leave out the key line from his lists of things to be an instru­ment of the Lord’s peace beause it doesn’t match the “hip­pie” image that they’ve cre­ated of him.

Where there is error, Truth

It’s that lack of the courage to speak plan truths aloud com­bined with an age where accep­tance on social media by peo­ple you will never meet is of more value than hav­ing actual friends who will see things as they are and tell you so that is the cause of much of the trou­ble in the world.

I sug­gest that Ms Baugher like many of the women Stacy McCain writes about have many acquain­tances but few real friends who were will­ing to take the risks of rejec­tion, deri­sion or social oppro­brium to warn her away from bad life decisions.

That is a cry­ing same and until that deficit can be tack­led she and those like her will need our prayers.

Clos­ing on a brighter note Bradley’s Bar-​B-​Que was really good and you should give them a shot if you’re in the area

Fr. Michael Harvey: I was trying to make it easier for you.
Maggie Harvey: I didn’t want it made easier, I wanted you to say ‘No’.

Cracker My Brother’s Keeper 1995

Yesterday Stacy McCain wrote something that really struck me:

There is a reason why slut-shaming exists. If sluts are not shamed — if promiscuity is celebrated and glamorized the way Sex and the City did — more young women will waste their youth the way Julia Baugher wasted hers. Who would want their daughter to end up that way, having ruined her reputation and squandered so many chances at happiness, desperately hoping at age 37 to settle for a “reasonable choice”?

. The reason why this struck me is that I just got back home from a week staying with my friend Vinne Kelly hie brother and his 90 year old Dad in Lithonia GA right in sight of Stone Mountain. I went to school with 40 years ago with his brother George who lives a few minutes away A few hours before we flew out Saturday Night we had lunch at Bradley’s Bar-B-Que (the best BBQ I had during my trip)

While eating I thanked Mr. Kelly for having us in his house. He replied that he had taught his sons to have many acquaintances but few friends.

Now one of the things that age has taught me is that the easiest way to tell the difference between a friend and an acquaintance is either during a time of trouble or when you are about to do something incredibly stupid, foolish or both.

It’s my experience that an acquaintance will regardless of their own actual opinion will go along with what you are doing and if it’s something that society is accepting or encouraging, might even even encourage you on.

For example to suggest to a young woman going to college that he best way to avoid a bad situation might be to avoid excessive drinking at a party or even better avoiding such parties where people drink to excess is something that will cause woman’s studies departments all over the nation to label you as a misogynist who wants to control women.

To suggest to a girl like Miriam Weeks aka Belle Knox that rather being paid to have sex with strangers on film so that people can forever masturbate to the sight of said film to make up for your shortfall in the $70k tuition and expense cost at Duke, “settling” for a college that might cost 40K a year might be a better and more dignified decision can get you tagged as a fundamentalist and pilloried on social media.

To state that getting a disease like AIDS is almost impossible if you follow the biblical rules concerning sex (celibacy before marriage monogamy afterwards) while also eschewing drugs and sharing needles and marrying someone who does the same you are homophobic

To suggest to a co-worker that having an operation to remove their penis and taking hormones for the rest of their life in order to pretend they are a girl is not only dangerous but that the suicide rate of such people is very high might even get you fired in some states.

To suggest that obesity is an unhealthy thing means you are a hateful person who is “fat slaming”

Yet the reality is all these messages an actual friend, someone who really cares about you, might say if you are leaning in any of these directions while an acquaintance would go along to get along.

We live in an era where basic sense that our grandfathers knew and understood is called “hate” that voting the wrong way gets you tagged as a Nazi and eating at the wrong chicken place make you in the eyes of some a bigot. It’s no coincidence that when people quote St. Francis they leave out the key line from his lists of things to be an instrument of the Lord’s peace beause it doesn’t match the “hippie” image that they’ve created of him.

Where there is error, Truth

It’s that lack of the courage to speak plan truths aloud combined with an age where acceptance on social media by people you will never meet is of more value than having actual friends who will see things as they are and tell you so that is the cause of much of the trouble in the world.

I suggest that Ms Baugher like many of the women Stacy McCain writes about have many acquaintances but few real friends who were willing to take the risks of rejection, derision or social opprobrium to warn her away from bad life decisions.

That is a crying same and until that deficit can be tackled she and those like her will need our prayers.

Closing on a brighter note Bradley’s Bar-B-Que was really good and you should give them a shot if you’re in the area