(Our story begins at The home of Bob & Brenda Bystander near the University of Missouri they hear a loud noise and see the glow of a light outside their door)
Bob Bystander: What was that? It sounds like it came from Fred’s house.
Brenda Bystander: (Runs to a Door and Opens it) Oh my God!
Bob Bystander: (runs to the Door sees a group of people in white hoods on horseback lighting a cross with the torches they’re carrying burning a Cross with a rope around their neighbor Fred waist.) Oh My God! It’s the Klu Klux Klan! And their burning a Cross in our neighborhood!
Hooded figure one: [Overhearing Bob , Points at Him] Trigger warning Trigger warning! (The group of riders turn at look at Bob and Brenda) That man violated my safe space!
Hooded Leader: [Rides over between Bob and the first hooded figure who is now in tears] Now now, what happened?
HF1: [Sobbing] That man there, he said [sob] we were the Klu Klux Klan! He triggered me!
Hooded Leader: Calm Down , deep breaths, go into your safe space
Hf1: [Hyperventilating into his hood]: My safe space…Bully proof windows , ‘
Hooded figure two: That was a terrible thing to do
Hooded figure Three: Yeah, don’t you care about his self esteem?
Bob Bystander: [Utterly confused] I’m Sorry What?
HL: How could you ever say such a thing about an open minded gender studies major?
Bob Bystander: You mean you aren’t guys aren’t the KKK?
Hooded Leader: Of course not, We’re the Campus Cares Crew, the CCC.
HF1: Did he say “Guys?”
HF2: Don’t you be imposing heteronormative constructs on us!
HF3: what a sexist
Brenda Bystander: The Campus Cares Crew?
Hooded Leader: That right. [Turning to Bob] Why one earth would you think we’re the Klu Klux Klan?
Bob Bystander: Well, those look like Klan Robes and Hoods.
HF1: [still breathing into a bag] We ARE not
HF2: Nothing of the sort
HF3: What an idiot
Hooded Leader [self righteously]: What we’re wearing are cloaks of equalization. So many people in society use white privilege in order to oppress people of different colors and gender, we of the CCC wear these robes to symbolize equality, so that everyone no matter what race, sex or gender preference can not be oppressed by anyone using white privilege.
Bob Bystander: But your cloaks, they have a cross on them like the KKK
HFO: That is definitely NOT a cross.
HF1: Of course not
HF3: He’s violating MY safe space now!
Hooded Leader [even more self righteously]: We would never use a symbol so intolerant of other faiths and creeds not to mention one so unfriendly to our gay, lesbian, transgender and gender neutral members. That is a letter “T” for “tolerance”.
Bob Bystander: It looks like a cross
HL : Well it’s not! It’s a lower case “t” symbolizing tolerance.
HF1: Of course it’s obvious
HF2: Yeah stop trying to impose your Eurocentric, Christocentric views.
Bob Bystander: But why is it on his lawn… and burning?
HL: Well he left a terrible comment on our blog concerning our manifesto.
HF1: He contaminated our safe space.
HF2: I still feel violated!
HF3: It’s important that people understand that you can’t go around saying things that make people uncomfortable
Bob Bystander: So you’re burning a Cross, sorry a lower case “t” on his lawn, because he let a comment on your blog?
Brenda Bystander: What did he say?
HL: He said that the entire campus should be a free speech zone! No matter who it triggers or offends!
HF1: Can you believe it?
HF2: You can’t just say intolerant things like that!
HF3: I’m still triggered by it!
Bob Bystander: But, burning a (catches himself) lower case “t”?
HL: Yes it’s coated in vegetable oils
HF1: Very green friendly, good for the earth, that’s why we have the horses too.
HF2: Yes by riding horses we’re able to reduce our carbon footprint and avoid fossil fuels.
HF3: We’re saving the planet one step at a time.
Brenda Bystander: What about the rope?
HL: Well of course there’s a rope around him we’re taking him to face the campus counsel
HF1: He has to answer for what he’s done to all the people he’s been intolerant to
HF2: And we made the rope ourselves! It’s our own campus renewable hemp farm
HF3: That’s where the horse manure goes
Bob Bystander: But do you have to take him away.
HL: We can’t take any chances, we have to make sure he understand the true message of tolerance.
HF1: After all what’s point of having a safe space on campus if people can violate it from the internet? Or in letters to the editor
HF2: We need to spread the flame of Tolerance, not just on our campus but on campuses around the nation
Hf3: It just takes a little muscle.
Brenda Bystander: Well, that’s a load off of my mind. We’re sorry to have seemed so judgemental.
Bob Bystander: I’m so glad to know Fred isn’t being taken away by hooded members of the KKK burning a cross in front of his yard because he’s black and they want to silence him. He’s being taken away and silenced by unprivileged members of the CCC putting a symbol of tolerance in his yard to protect the student body from harmful biases and teach him tolerance for other people’s views
Fred Freedom: Well that makes all the difference doesn’t it
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