Peter and Val, a bit of advice, when you get into a fight, don’t throw the expensive stuff.
My Pal Roger on our wedding video. April 9th 1988
The last several tips have been about arguments and disagreements and this one is for when you are getting deep into an argument.
There comes a time in an argument when you realize that there is nothing you can say to avoid it, defuse it or to calm down the person you are with. Some times a fight is just that bad.
When you reach that point you have two choices. Stay there and take it or get out of the line of fire.
While there are advantages to staying there and taking it (your spouse gets to vent) very often such a plan has one of two effects, both bad:
1. Your spouse presumes that you have “tuned out” and gets angrier and angrier over it
2. You lose your temper and the the fight escalates
Neither of these choices are condusive to ending a fight. It’s at these moments that your best choice is simply to leave for a time
Maybe there is a local watering hole that you enjoy, or a restaurant for a bite or if you’re a gamer or comic guy there is always the local comic store, I always find a pinball machine a perfect tool for venting out frustrations. if you’re religious there is your local church, if there is a Divine Mercy Chapel with 24 hour adoration that’s an even better choice as you can’t do better than going directly to Christ in times of trouble.
Getting out have many advantages, you get to calm down, without someone to strike back at your spouse eventually begins to lose the edge on their anger and once you are calm you now have the inititive to make a move to diffuse the situation even further. Once you’ve given yourself and your spouse time to regain your composure head on back (this is also a great situation to use the “Angry Gifts” tip) if you really want to be creative, call your spouse and invite them to a restaurant they enjoy or to a movie they want to see, see if they can be ready to be picked up.
Remember it’s all about making sure the fight ends quickly, hopefull that very night. Getting out gives everyone the chance to make that happen.
An important Caveat Do NOT fail to come home, if too long a time passes then the immagination starts to kick in and things can get worse (remember the last tip about not generating suspicion). In the end you are the best judge about how much time is too much and what the right time to talk again is.
Don’t worry about winning a fight, remember when the fight ends everybody wins.
The Tips to date:
- #1 Choose Wisely
- #2 A Long Engagement
- #3 Get Married in Church
- #4 Don’t Write Your Own Vows
- #5 Set Limits Early
- $6 Live Modestly
- #7 Embrace Your Mother-In-Law
- #8 If Possible Take Advantage of Your Parent’s Advice
- #9 Don’t Diss your Spouse to your friends
- #10 Remember Birthdays and Anniversaries
- #11 NEVER DISS YOUR SPOUSE ON SOCIAL MEDIA!
- #12 Pray
- #13 Angry Gifts
- #14 Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
- #15 Carefully Choose the Hills Worth Dying On
- #16 Avoid Temptation & Suspicion