30 Tips to Stay Married 30 Years #20 Remember Marriage is Work

Prince Arthur: But if you all work all day every day when is the time for Adventure?
Little John: Life is nine tenths work my boy and a little play when you can get it. The same in the greenwood as it is on the Lord’s manor or in Nottingham town

The Adventures of Robin Hood The Youngest Outlaw 1955

One of the real problems of the current culture, particularly TV culture is the idea that marriage is all about the things you do together, the places you go the things you see etc etc etc.

The reality however is quite different.

Marriage is all about waking up each moment with a different person and living your life with them, that means all the normal things of life which means work and plenty of it.

It also means getting along which is also work

And of course your regular paying job of whatever type you have which again means work.

In other words more of the time of your marriage is going to be spent at work and if you come into marriage not knowing realizing this you are in for a nasty surprise.

But if you go into marriage cognizant of this, ignoring what the culture claims and instead prepare to work at it, your odds of staying married a long time will be considerably increased

My 30 Tips so far

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 years #19 A United Front

A House divided against itself can not stand

Abraham Lincoln

Sir Richard Warrington: We even see a danger of the cabinet perusing it’s own foreign policy
Sir Humphrey: But That’s absurd! The country can’t have two foreign policies!

Yes Prime Minister A Victory of Democracy 1986

Let’s pivot away from the fight game for a bit.

One of the most important things to remember is that as a married couple you are a single unit, no longer just two people but one flesh.

This is a very important thing to keep in mind when dealing with people and groups outside of your marriage, with relatives particularly with your kids.

Let’s start with the kids, the more united you are when dealing with your children the more likely you will be able to direct their path to a better direction, furthermore it will make it much harder for said kids to try and play you and your spouse off of each other. For a lot of basic things you want to be discussing before they come up, if the kid hits you with something you don’t expect, postpone a decision till the two of you can confer the key word here is UNITY

When dealing with groups other than the kids and a decision is either called for pushed at you again the thing to do is to defer a commitment in these situations until you get a chance to make that united front, if a decision can’t be deferred and only one of you are present then make sure any such statement is made with the understanding that you have to consult with your spouse to finalize it.

By all means has things out in private and make your cases but come to a single public position and make sure that’s what is presented to the kids and others.

A united front makes the family stronger, it fosters communication to come to that decision, foils others who want to make things rough for you (and such people DO exist) and most importantly when dealing with family and kids makes sure everyone is traveling int the same direction.

Want a strong marriage, build it on unity.

My 30 Tips so far