Captain Kirk: Bones. [starts to collapse.] No, no, I’m all right
Dr. McCoy: If you keep arguing with your kindly family doctor, you’re going to spend your next ten days right here. If you co-operate, you’ll be out in two.
Mr. Spock: Doctor, I’ll return to my station now.
Dr. McCoy: You ARE at your station, Mister Spock.
Captain Kirk: Doctor McCoy, I believe you’re enjoying all this.
Mr. Spock: Indeed, Captain. I’ve never seen him look so happy.
Dr. McCoy: Shut up! (turns to Kirk) Shh. Shh! (turns to camera) Well, what do you know? I finally got the last word.Star Trek: Journey to Babel 1967
Dr. McCoy’s joy not withstanding there are very few things less valuable in a marriage than the last word in an argument.
Arguments in a marriage are unavoidable and any argument has the potential to cause trouble far beyond the day of the fight. We’ve already talked about having an escape plan and knowing what hill to die on but of the advice on arguments this is likely the hardest to follow.
Whether you are having a small spat or a knock down drag out fight, in the midst of a fight the last word is a temptation greater than any other. In the mind of a combatant it’s the equivalent of holding the field of battle when the guns have stopped, and if the ‘last word’ was actually that you might be able to make that argument, but the reality is quite different.
In a marital argument the ‘last word’ usually generates a response from your spouse who is also looking for a ‘last word’, thus deprived of your prize you immediately come back with your own ‘last word’ and a fight that might have been on it’s last legs becomes like the battle of Verdun which started as a battle of attrition but escalated with both sides kept throwing in men to the slaughter for now real purpose.
Furthermore even if you manage to grab that valuable last word you will find yourself in close quarters with the same spouse the next day who steaming from that last sting might have thought of a few new words that won’t be so plesant.
The last word is fools gold, be a wise prospector and learn to reject it.
The 30 (32) tips so far
- #1 Choose Wisely
- #2 A Long Engagement
- #3 Get Married in Church
- #4 Don’t Write Your Own Vows
- #5 Set Limits Early
- #6 Live Modestly
- #7 Embrace Your Mother-In-Law
- #8 If Possible Take Advantage of Your Parent’s Advice
- #9 Don’t Diss your Spouse to your friends
- #10 Remember Birthdays and Anniversaries
- #11 NEVER DISS YOUR SPOUSE ON SOCIAL MEDIA!
- #12 Pray
- #13 Angry Gifts
- #14 Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
- #15 Carefully Choose the Hills Worth Dying On
- #16 Avoid Temptation & Suspicion
- #17 Have an Argument Escape Plan (and or let your spouse use their’s)
- #18 Don’t spoil the kids, particularly early
- #19 A United Front
- #20 Remember Marriage is Work
- #21 Maintain Surprise
- #22 Ignore the Jones
- #23 The Dollar Store is Your Friend
- #24 Don’t start the Day Wrong
- #25 Take Lucy’s Advice on Starting (or ending) the Day Right
- #26 Remember, You Know Your Spouse Best
- #27 Take Culture With a Grain of Salt
- #28 Togetherness The Default, but not Mandatory
- #29 Expect Change