Satire: Mafia Families and the Priests that Serve them deride Vatican’s Continued Stance against Murder, Theft & Prostitution

Members of the Cosa Nostra were united in their disappointment that the Vatican has not changed their stance concerning the sinfulness of murder, theft and prostitution.

“It’s a real cultural problem.” said a spokesman for the Bocce crime family. “Don Giuseppe was saying just the other day that the church’s stance unfairly stigmatizes people whose culture, tradition and inclination. has steered them in this direction for centuries.”

“It’s a terrible disappointment.” said Fr. Mel A Stophilies of Angel of Light Parish and the unofficial chaplain to the Polenta family. “Why just the other day Dona Polenta was talking about how Pope Francis’ attacks on the mafia had affected her 14 year old grandson who has dreamed of entering the family business since he was five and has just started his career as a runner: ‘Does the Vatican understand what his can do to a 14 year old just staring in the rackets? It can destroy him'”

At the business of Dino and Luigi Vercotti they echoed this statement noting that on the local level their priest have been more supportive.

“At our parish they have been much more caring toward the women in our business just trying to make a living.” Said Dino Vercotti in between answering calls for appointments, “In fact our parish priest Fr. Heretic has been using a more compassionate translation of scripture where Jesus tells the woman caught in adultery in John 9:11: ‘Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now that’s not sin any more.’ It’s really made both our girls and their customers feel better about themselves.”

In Philadelphia some locals still expressed hope that the Vatican will see the light on these things.

“If the church is going to be part of the world and not hated they need to change with the times and recognize that the acceptance of things like adultery, theft and the occasional murder (as long as it doesn’t cross the wrong racial lines) is where society is.” said Fr. Morty Sine “After all if they took those lessons to heart have spent hours filling in and delivering ballots in the wee hours after election day? If they hadn’t done that Rome would not have been able to celebrate the election of only the 2nd Catholic president of the United States.”

“After all one man’s sin is another’s way of life.” said Fr Terr. I know our parish has greatly benefited from the support we have given the local families and I’m sure eventually the Church will see the advantages of such an arrangement.

One thought on “Satire: Mafia Families and the Priests that Serve them deride Vatican’s Continued Stance against Murder, Theft & Prostitution

  1. How can there be a dichotomy when politicians who support abortion are upheld and supported by this church, and perverted priests are rife within it?

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