30 Tips to Stay Married 30 (31) Years: #29 Expect Change

Alex Jensen: …You’re cute. You’re funny. Maybe you’re getting hit on and you don’t even know it.
Leonard Hofstadter: Really?
Alex Jensen: Yep, pretty sure.

The Big Bang Theory The 43 Peculiarity 2012

If there is one thing that constant in the world it’s change.

Everything changes, styles, people, things. Yet some people have the idea that marriage will somehow be different?

Let me give an example: There is an old joke that if a couple puts a nickel in a jar every time they have sex during the 1st two years of marriage and then starts taking one out every time after that 2nd year that jar won’t be empty for many many years.

People’s desires their needs and their sexual drives. While there are no hard and fast rules about this, this is something you need to be prepared for as a couple and make allowances, particularly in situations like tip # 17 Make sure your “escape plan” for a fight doesn’t include going somewhere where you will find yourself anywhere that a person might be expected to be picked up, particularly if said location involves drinking.

Likewise you might have friends of the opposite sex at work but if the sexual situation has changed at home you might want to be a tad more careful how you carry yourself.

And that’s only one type of change, financial situations change, health changes, where you live changes, responsibilities change, where and how you live changes. Some changes might just affect you, others just your spouse, but ALL of these changes, even positive ones are going to affect your relationship and many of them will not be under your control, they just will be.

Being ready willing and able to deal with change will have a huge impact on if your marriage last 3 years let alone 30.

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 (31) Years: #28 Togetherness The Default but not Mandatory

My mother always told us that a person gets married to be with someone and she’s was very right. When you are married you are together, through think and through thin, though the tough times and the easy ones.

So it is with various social and other events. In such situations the default position should be to be beside your wife or your husband.

But note this is the DEFAULT position. There are going to be some rare events and occasions, from concerts to visits where one of you might be absolutely delighted to be while the other may be at best indifferent and at worst absolutely disgusted to be there.

As the old saying goes, one bad apple can spoil a whole bunch and one person unhappy and unwilling can ruin the pleasure of a thing that one may have looked forward to for weeks or even months.

If your wife or husband is set on something that you really don’t want to do, or somewhere you really don’t want to go, let them go with friends or other family and enjoy themselves and above all don’t force yourself someplace where you will be a killjoy out of a misplaced sense of duty. Don’t get in the way of a happy day. Do something you like instead. You can hear all about things when they get home.

Contrariwise if you are set on something that you know your spouse doesn’t like or has no interest in, let them stay home or do something else. No amount of you wanting someone to enjoy or be excited by something will make it so. Dragging an unwilling participant with you is a recipe for disappointment. You can share that joy when you get home.

Now again this should be the exception from the default position not the rule but the wise use of this exception will make a lot of difference in the long run.

The rules to date:

30 tips to stay married 30 years Tip #23 The Dollar Store is Your Friend

It’s been over a year since I added to my “30 tips to stay married 30 years” list mostly because I couldn’t think of any new ones past 22 but today one hit me.

DaWife and I went out to lunch and on the way back I stopped at the dollar store to buy reading glasses as I’m constantly losing or breaking them. As I was checking out I noticed a bunch of balloons and one of them said “princess” I bought it at once and had the clerk put it in a bag so DaWife wouldn’t see me coming out with it.

She was absolutely delighted and the smile has not left her face.

All that for the investment of a dollar.

So when you’re out make it a point to notice things like that because an inexpensive gift like that can make all the difference.

DaTips so far (sorry due to the site problems no direct links available)  UPDATE Now that we’ve moved links we’ve got links!