Donald Trump & Discovering the Lost 3rd Book of Reagan

This Dusty scroll was discovered hidden in the Reagan Library and explains much that has happened over the last three years.

1

The LORD said to Samuel: “How long will you grieve for Mitt Romney and John McCain who I have rejected and Reagan, whom I have taken back to my bosom? Fill your horn with oil, and be on your way. I am sending you to the GOP field , for I have chosen a President from among their sons and daughters to take my American Children out of the wilderness.”

2

But Samuel replied: “How can I go? The Media will hear of it and destroy any who I anoint?” To this the LORD answered: “Take your dismal poll forecasts along and say, ‘I have come to choose a sacrificial lamb to offer to the Clintons.’

3

Invite the entire potential GOP field to see who might come, and I myself will tell you what to do; you are to anoint for me the one I point out to you.”

4

Samuel did as the LORD had commanded him. When he entered GOP headquarters the insiders of the deep state came trembling to meet him and inquired, “Is your visit peaceful, O political seer?”

5

He replied: “Yes! I have come to select a candidate to sacrifice to Hillary Clinton whom the media have anointed as our next president. So cleanse yourselves and join me today for the banquet.”

6

As they came, he looked at Jeb Bush and thought, “Surely the LORD’S anointed is here before him.”

7

But the LORD said to Samuel: “Do not judge from his appearance or from his lofty stature, or his fine political lineage or even his decent record as governor of Florida because I have rejected him. Not as man sees does God see, because man sees the appearance but the LORD looks into the heart.”

8

Then the party called Governor John Kasish of Ohio and presented him before Samuel, who said, “The Lord has not chosen him.”

9

Next the GOP presented Senators Marco Rubio & Rand Paul both worthy men, but Samuel said, “The LORD has not chosen these ones either.”

10

In the same way the GOP presented sons and daughters, Governor Walker, Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee and more before Samuel, and even though some had found favor in the Lord’s eyes like Rick Santorum “He is my true servant but his time has past” and Ted Cruz “He is true but his time has not yet come” and Ben Carson “He is true but I shall task him to shall serve the people through the one I pick ” none of them was the one. So Samuel said to the GOP, “The LORD has not chosen any one of these.”

11

Then Samuel asked the GOP “Are these all the sons and daughters you have?” They replied, “There is still Donald Trump but he’s just a reality star we just keep him around for our candidates to beg for contributions. He’s in the tower.” Samuel said to the GOP elders, “Send for him; we will not begin the sacrificial banquet until he arrives here.”

12

The GOP sent for him and he entered the banquet hall descending from the tower down the escalator with his wife and family. He was an older man with odd orange hair but with strength and vigor of one who was much younger. He had never tasted wine or strong drink and he descended with a family full of youth, handsome to behold and a wife full of beauty and Devoted to the Lord and making a splendid appearance. The LORD said, “There-anoint him, for this is he!”

13

Then Samuel, with the horn of the votes of the people in hand , anointed him in the midst of his brothers and sisters; and from that day on, the spirit of the LORD rushed upon Donald and he was determined to lead his people out of the wilderness of Obama.

14

A few of his brothers immediately accepted the judgement of the voters and offered to serve, others who had worked hard on their own behalf to earn that favor after much soul searching did the same but many more in the elites particularly those who had been anointed before such as John McCain and Mitt Romney openly spoke against the will of the voters and predicted the doom of the party.

15

The spirit of the LORD had departed from Obama, and he was tormented by the thought of his legacy going away. So the servants of the Clintons said to him: “Please! Be not tormented by the scorn of the Lord

16

If your lordship will order it, we, your servants here in attendance will find a candidate among the sons of the GOP who shall be easier to beat than any other. Let our media descend upon him and prop him up so they can later bring him down and the whole country will embrace your legacy and you will feel better.”

17

So Obama then told his servants in the media, “Find me skilled lapdogs that they might play the tune to the people and find our sacrifice to Hillary and my legacy.”

18

A servant spoke up to say: “I have observed that one of the sons of the GOP is a skillful entertainer before the crowds The Donald of NY is a skillful reality TV man. He is also a stalwart donor who has given us cash when needed, besides being an able speaker, and handsome. Moreover, given his past the LORD won’t be with him.”

19

Accordingly, Obama dispatched messengers to the media to prop up Trump above all others within the GOP flock.

20

Then the pundits took Trump and put his rallies on the air and interviewed him daily to raise him above the field.

21

Thus to Obama Trump had entered his service. The media was very fond of him, made him their rating-bearer,

22

and sent the GOP this message, “Allow Trump to remain in my service, for he meets with our approval as a sacrifice to Hillary.”

23

Whenever the spirit from God seized Hillary, The Donald would say something, and Hillary, Obama and the Democrats would be relieved and feel better, sure that he would be the sacrifice to cement her victory and the legacy of Obama for all time.

Son of real-life Fredo may sue Cuomo (Parody)

The son of the man whose father was the basis for Mario Puzo’s Fredo Corleone in The Godfather is threatening to sue CNN anchor Chris Cuomo for defamation of character.
“My father was a good man, an honorable man,” said Salvatore Goomba, 69, of Jersey City, N.J. “That means he was nothing like Cuomo, who has appropriated his name.”

Alfredo “Fredo No Brains” Goomba grew up with Puzo in the Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood of New York City, and the two were classmates until high school.  Salvatore said his father ran with a street gang until 1942, when he was recruited as a soldier by the Luciano crime family “because all the good soldiers were in the Army.”

“He had a pretty rough time breaking into organized crime,” the son admitted. “He misunderstood it when his capo told him to take out a rival. Dad ended up spending the day at Coney Island with the guy.”  On another occasion, when the elder Goomba was told to fit Mangano family gunman Vincenzo Dupatti with “a pair of cement overshoes,” he visited nearly every shoe store in the city before finding out he wasn’t supposed to be looking for footwear, Salvatore said.

Salvatore Goomba said his father remained close to Puzo throughout the 1950s and ’60s and provided the author with much of the background on the Mafia for The Godfather. The pair, however, had a falling out after the best-selling novel was published because Alfredo felt betrayed his character was portrayed as a weak, cowardly dolt.  The rift was partially repaired when the movie debuted. “Dad said he was honored that an actor as handsome and charming as John Cazale played him on screen,” he said.
“Maybe my father wasn’t the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but he made Andrew Cuomo look like a birthday candle next to a spotlight,” the son said. “He was a loving and truthful man, except maybe when he was talking to cops, judges, probation officers and grand juries. And sometimes, maybe, my mom.  “It’s infuriating and embarrassing that someone as low, obnoxious and repulsive as Andrew Cuomo is trying to raise himself through my father’s good name. I guess I can’t blame him for trying to escape from the reputation he’s made for himself, but he could’ve picked another name. I’m pretty sure Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy wouldn’t have minded.”
The elder Goomba was found dead in Mama Patrizia’s Pizza Palazzo in Brooklyn. death was attributed to extreme lead poisoning.

NOTE (DTG) Yes this is a parody piece from Michigan Mick just in case Snoopes can’t figure it out and we’re delighted to have him back even if only occasionally.